A Letter To The Boy With Fish Memory 

 

 

I was holding myself back from replying to your hints that I am not (okay) as emotionally unstable because I write erotic thoughts (I collect those thoughts back again to create tailored stories in my blog later, something that you will never be able to understand because you will never be a creative person), you also do not like that I am dating an authority figure and you think that he is “endangering” me, I wasn’t going to reply, but then I thought that you do not matter to me anymore, so I am going to reply to your mean, abusive words.

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“THE SHOW MUST GO ON”.


Dear weak boy with fish memory; you are weak, weak, weak. And because you are emotionally and mentally weak and easy to be led astray, you tend to make others feel inferior too. Going to the gym and building a few muscles made you get the illusion of strength, so you became aggressive, violent and abusive, and also very narcissistic. The slim mirror in your room gave  you the illusion of being a slim, tall and strong person who spends his spare time checking his new muscles and his new face without the geeky eyeglasses, but you are still the same person on the inside, weak in the mind and coward. You are also an alcoholic, yet you have the nerve to pick on me because I like cigarettes, your fish memory span has forgotten who you really are.

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The slim mirror in your room gave  you the illusion of being a slim, tall and strong person who spends his spare time checking his new muscles and his new face without the geeky eyeglasses.

The illusion of strength has dominated you completely. You became a food-Nazi, a fashion-Nazi, a grammar-Nazi, because you no longer want to be perceived again as a weak boy.

 

The illusion of strength has dominated you completely. You became a food-Nazi, a fashion-Nazi, a grammar-Nazi, because you no longer want to be perceived as a weak boy. You started to gaze seriously at women who are completely out of your league: athletes, pop singers, fashion designers, famous actresses on red carpets and bikini models on runways, although you are disqualified to date any. You wanted to marry someone popular to lift you up and make you feel good about yourself, because you were never popular, nor talented, you wanted someone to fill that void of yours.

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I am your polar opposite, I do not need to date someone popular to make me famous, I am content with who I am, I already have thousands of readers on my blog, thousands of followers on my Facebook, and many secret admirers and fans, although I have been online for only two years. I liked you in the past because you were the flower on the wall, the outcast, the unloved and the abandoned, I did not like that nervous abusive phony gym-freak you become today. You had no money, you had no apartment, yet I have loved you for who you are not for what you have. I got a house for us, I spent money on this relationship, tens of thousands to split the rent, I did all the household chores alone, but you did not appreciate all that. I liked your old self better, the fleshy boy with the geeky glasses because I thought he would be kind, but you have changed, and I was wrong, I confused kindness with weakness.

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Now that you have your own apartment and got rid of your fat body and geeky glasses; you wanted to get married and you proposed, but I kept procrastinating because I did not see you as my husband. I did not want to meet your parents and I did not want you to meet mine. I did not want to introduce you to my friends and family, I have always  thought that you are a cool romantic partner but you are not marriage material.

You wanted to marry the artist and the creative writer in me, not the real woman with her ups and downs. You wanted the glam of the art world, you wanted to appear in pictures with me because you desperately wanted my followers and fans to admire you too as my spouse, but you did not want to go through the real business struggle with me, you did not understand what I have been going through, you did not even realize what does the term (Creativity Block) mean to the extent that you mix it with failure, so you abandoned me.

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Now.. You need to educate yourself on respecting other people’s boundaries and choices in food and lifestyle, it is not your business that I want to be an erotica writer like E.L James, or a controversial artist like Egon Schiele. It is not your business whom I am dating, because I do not give a damn whom you are seeing. It is not your business that I paint or blog my erotic thoughts and stories, as long as I do not talk about you in public, you are to me now just an embarrassing memory.

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I love my boyfriend because he is genuinely strong and powerful, he was born a Hulk and he did not develop his six packs recently, he is in control and in power and he does not need to abuse me to prove himself, he is not his daddy’s little kid who lives in a comfy bubble within an isolated community, no; he lives in the real world and knows how the world works, he protects me and makes me feel safe and happy because he is so mature, almost 40 year old, calm, gracious and secure, he has class and knows how to treat a lady, simply he is Mr. Right for right now. I have to admit that dating a younger boy like you made me go through some real shit before you grow up and discover who you really are.

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Gas and alcohol don’t mix.

I also do not give a damn about what “people” say about me, because those “people” are not people, they are not my readers, they are just your friends, and they are just as dull, just as boring and just as hypocritical as you. You told me that I am a drama queen and an attention seeker/whore, which is true, so I took your words proudly and put them in my Facebook bio, along with “THE SHOW MUST GO ON”. I am an artist and business woman, this is my true color, fame is good for the business, and you are just a dull office employee. See, gas and alcohol don’t mix.

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I do not want to get into deep discussions with you, not now, not in the future, talking to you is a very stressful thing to do, I really hate you, you are to me just a bad, bad memory.

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I am blocking you. Good luck with your life and reread the first message of today.

 



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