A prayer for the wild at heart
Kept in cages
I know how you long
To run wild and free
To feel your blood pumping
To hear your heart beating faster
Yet you can’t
For you are locked inside a prison
One that you will never escape
Introduction: An insight into the psychology and personality traits of the submissive man
When the vast majority of people think about the submissive man, they picture a beta male with great notions of meekness, someone idle, effeminate, or even gay, representing a party of no action. Well, nothing could be further from the truth as such common belief. Submissive men are more likely heterosexual, fit, masculine, handsome, and quite driven and successful, sometimes they are over achievers, they are corporate executives, famous doctors, honorable judges, commissioned officers, and the list is long. But there comes loneliness with great responsibilities, along with a deep emotional void they carry within as if a limb were missing.
First, let’s dig the motivation: What does make a man sexually submissive? In many cases, a non-solid relationship with the father figure. Perhaps the father figure was absent, or present in physic yet absent in spirit, or abusive. Whatever the reason is, he has no desire to walk in his old man’s shoes whatsoever, maybe he grew up watching his abusive father mistreating his beloved mother, so he feels the need for over-compensation by seeking justice for all women, who he believes are beautiful; sacred creatures that must be served, admired and worshipped.
In addition to their extreme, inner sense of justice towards women, the society itself participates in creating more and more submissive men, by projecting a specific image of the ‘manly’ man onto the mass sub-conscious of its members from both genders, almost ‘forces’ men to reflect the same stereotyped image, and then act accordingly: from Comic books full of stories about the good guys vs. the bad guys, to the pop-culture mainstream of the masculine Superhero in his shining armor who saves the world on a daily basis, to the excessive sexualizing of fitness gears for the sake of commercial usage. Needless to say that men’s sexual ego is very fragile, so it’s all about the sex, it’s all about performing well with judgemental women. Even in every family, look at the way the boys are brought up where everyone expects them to act in certain manners and be always mini-men from day one, even when they are still toddlers, with instructions like “Don’t cry over your dead bird! You are a man!” or “Don’t complain about your broken toy! You are a man!” or “You are not allowed to play with dolls, here’s your fire truck, you are a man!” or “You must be protective of your mom at home or your younger sister at school, why? BECAUSE YOU ARE THE MAN!”
So they keep bottling up their sensitive emotions and fragile feelings, holding their tears from rolling down their cheeks, hiding their spontaneous wants and needs and desires, lest they be judged, they do their best to cultivate their true inner self in order to project that picture-perfect of the manly man which everyone would accept, and work so hard to meet all these high hopes and expectations and please their superiors; teachers and parents. But secretly, they develop some sort of secret resistance, an inner realm of endless questions about the other side of the midnight, the females’ world, those mysterious, sleek creatures we call girls, who are they? How do they feel or think about this or that? How does it feel to be a woman, so soft, so beautiful? They stare at the girls as they wear their long hair freely, their colored nails, their lace dresses and walk around elegantly on their high heels while playing with Barbie dolls. Their curiosity grows immensely and they just want to live in the pinky shades of the feminine world, all they want is to explore the unknown, unleash their desires and surrender.
As the years go by, those oppressed young men grow up and become the most accomplished of all thanks to all that discipline. Certainly, they might never become artists or novelists or musicians or ballet dancers, but they have the deepest appreciation for art and everything that is beautiful. Since their high profile jobs require them to put on that solid, stainless steel front of the manly man 24/7 for the fear of society’s judgment, nothing could be more exciting to them than letting go of all the responsibilities they carry on their shoulders, as if Atlas is about to shrug, in the presence of a strong, authoritarian woman. They daydream, a lot, of the Wonder Woman, the Heroine who will come along and drop powerful scents and colors into their grayish life. Those men are children and animals lovers, and they have a great deal of fantasy as they wish they meet someone extraordinary and dramatic to turn their lives upside down. They feel oppressed and trapped all their lives, and long to break free.
I can hear your howls of pain
And your growls of frustration
Pacing back and forth
Crawling at the bars
Tearing at your skin
Begging to be set free
Your eyes are wild and full of hate
You face bears no smile
Only a snarl of anger
What the submissive man deeply craves in his Queen, is exactly everything the society ditches and abhors. He is turned on by success, he likes the female boss, the woman on top who runs the show. He admires women in business suits and looks up to the Alfa Female with utmost admiration and awe. What other misogynist men see as a threat, he sees as bliss. He likes the woman who asserts herself aggressively in public, and have an intense fetish for the Bitch and her bitchy attitude. Slut-shaming means absolutely nothing negative to him, actually; it is quite the opposite, as he is being turned on by bitchiness and sluttiness, because he believes that the Bitch and the Slut are powerful and in control, each can stand up for herself, to the extent that she doesn’t even need him, which is a great source of pleasure to him. No wonder that he despises submissive and shy women like him and avoids them like a plague. On the other hand, the submissive man is the classic gentleman with an excessive sense of chivalry, he is very keen to treat the Femdom like a queen in public, he opens the door of the car and the restaurant for her, he asks her if she is comfortable with her seat and table,he always picks up the check, and offers her his jacket without even a second guess in cold evenings.
Now comes the sad part. The Female Dominate almost doesn’t exist. Most girls and women are submissive by nature and prefer not to take the lead, they don’t want to Do, but rather to be done by, they use sneaky, cheap mind games and tactics to control men and benefit from them, socially and financially. So the submissive man becomes a loner who suffers in agony, and if you added sexual prudery to the equation you get the saddest, most dramatic case of emotional and mental damage. He harbors so much anger and grudge like a ticking bomb, a landmine waiting for the slightest touch to explode.
Blood drips from your hands
Blood from the people
Who didn’t understand
Your fearful whimpers fill the air
As you look at the full moon
And let out a mournful howl
Your voice gets louder
As I and the others join in
When let our pleads fill the night
As we sit in our cold cages
Praying someone will hear
*The poem is by Tennessee Williams
To be continued…
This series of articles on the BDSM scene was inspired by and dedicated to the owners of Six Degrees Night Club in Egypt and all its visitors and fans, the high profile nightclub has been shut down by the Egyptian government over performing a BDSM show by professional artists. Sex in art and entertainment is the most frequent target of censorship crusades. The Hermit will keep writing on that topic to honor and support freedom of offensive speech in the entertainment industry and the arts.